


Two Decades in Fandom: A Non-BNF Old-Timer’s Ranting Advice for the General Fan

by kowaiyoukai



Category: Multi-Fandom
Genre: But really I mean stay on my lawn and invite all your friends, Essay, Get off my lawn, Meta, Other, Shit Old People Say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-14 00:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kowaiyoukai/pseuds/kowaiyoukai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today is the last day of my 20th year spent in fandom. This essay is a summary of what I've learned over two decades. In short: if we all try just the tiniest bit, we actually CAN all get along.</p><p>Took off most tags due to two anon complaints. Such is the way of fandom, I suppose. I apologize for any annoyance the tags caused anyone browsing AO3 solely for fic.</p><p>WARNING: I spend some time discussing kinks, including non-con, furry, mpreg, necro, and more. I don't really get into them, but if even reading the word upsets or triggers you, then be forewarned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Decades in Fandom: A Non-BNF Old-Timer’s Ranting Advice for the General Fan

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These are my general opinions on fandom. I’m not even going to remotely try to say that I speak for anybody other than myself. There could very well be opinions in here that you disagree with or that offend you, so go into it forewarned. Also note that I've tried to be as open and varied as possible with my examples, but hey, I know more about some fandoms than others. Please don't get offended or upset if I didn't mention your fandom/ship or if I mentioned it in a way you dislike. The point is to be totally inclusive with everything, so feel free to just edit out my random examples and put in your own!
> 
> Honestly, I think two decades in fandom deserves a look back. And a look forward. (For me, this means a mixture of RL examples, general ideas gleaned from living in fandom, and a lot of lecturing an invisible reader. Don’t take it personally. I love you all more than you know.)

I have an announcement to make: Today is officially the last day of my 20th year in fandom. Yes. Today I have spent two decades geeking out over fictional characters. Fandom and I should exchange china. It’s an anniversary of sorts—the only anniversary I care about. It’s a celebration of two decades of discovery. It’s not record-breaking. Plenty of fans have been around for longer than I have, have produced more and better fanworks than I have, have read more fics, commented on more posts, and so on. I’m not claiming anything other than what is rightfully mine—my platinum fandom anniversary badge.

Fandom has taught me in ways reality never could. I learned everything I consider important from fandom—how to read a person or situation, how to react and interact with people, what’s morally right, how to treat people with respect, how to see things from other perspectives, the difference between accepting someone and understanding them, and why all of that actually matters. I’ve learned other things from fandom, too. How to lie through my teeth, how to hide my true feelings in any situation, how to manipulate people, and when it’s important to do any of the above. I’ve learned about sex (we’ve ALL learned about sex). I’ve learned what it means to be a friend, an enemy, a lover, and any combination of those. But what I’ve learned most is simple and straight-forward, easy to learn and remember: People are all the same.

Yeah. That’s right. People are all the same. They really are. I know some people have an instinctive knee-jerk reaction of NO. It’s easy to think that maybe SOME people are similar, but not ME. I’M certainly not the same as everyone else in the world. And, really, how can that possibly be true? Humans have such different characteristics, don’t they? Gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, gender orientation, religion, politics, career, class, place of residence… it goes on. And that’s not even INCLUDING fandom. Heck, when you include fandom, suddenly you’re talking about all sorts of things, things that most fans want to say are unique to them.

This essay is going to explain why, in my opinion, all of that is bullshit. Why fans of fluff and angst are exact replicas of each other, why ship wars both make no sense and PERFECT sense, why all of fandom drama is always going to be exactly the same and completely understandable from every perspective. I’ll give you a hint: the answer is people are all the same. The explanation for WHY people are all the same is, of course, another matter entirely.

Full disclosure: Today is my birthday. I’m newly 28 years old. My mom gave my twin sister and me a SNES when we turned 7. That was my official first day in fandom, in what I now consider to be actual fandom, meaning having a love of something that goes beyond simple appreciation. I started out as a gamer, mostly RPGs, then quickly progressed to comic books, sci-fi/fantasy novels, and Sailor Moon. I grew into tabletop and LARP without knowing what they were. I wrote my first fanfiction without knowing other people did it or what it was even called. When I was 15, I was introduced to the rest of anime and manga. Over time, I became fond of sci-fi/fantasy television and movies. None of these loves have left me over time, as some people claimed they would. These fandoms raised me—they shaped me into the person I am today. I have few memories of my time before fandom. When I have to introduce myself, I always say that I’m a geek. Everything I own is merchandise of some variety. I have LEGO minifigs and action figures in sexual positions around my house. Posters wallpaper every room. My kitchen is filled with awesome useful things: Kirk and Spock salt and pepper shakers, Space Invaders ice cube tray, cups and glasses with all sorts of characters on them. I never take off Dean Winchester’s necklace. Captain America and Iron Man plushies are always on my bed, along with a Sailor Moon comforter and a Digimon pillow. I have two shelves of untranslated Japanese manga on one of my five bookcases—about 1/3 of that is doujinshi. I expect everyone to know Final Fantasy references. I could go on, but I won’t because I think you get the point. Fandom literally IS my life. It’s not something I hide away to be ashamed of. I’m proud of who I am and what I love.

This, however, is not the case for everyone. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have been disappointed in my fellow fans. I’ve had fans with non-fan friends around blow me off IRL, then later come back and engage me in conversation. I’ve role-played with a guy online who said he could never tell anyone on his soccer team that he played an elf in a fantasy game. I’ve talked to a woman who said she was married with kids and used working at home as her excuse to be involved with fandom because she could never be honest with her family about it. All of these fans are just a few examples of my first point: the fandom closet. I’ve never really been in it, except in the same way that all of us are. We have to out ourselves as fans over and over again if we want people to know. If we don’t want people to know, we can simply say nothing.

The fandom closet is a serious problem. It separates us from each other. As fans, we have a unique type of interest that needs to be satisfied. That separation simply gives every fan an incorrect feeling of isolation. The feeling of being the only person in the world who understands or loves or relates to a character, ship, or plotline is simply not true. The problem is it’s easy to believe it’s true because fandom tends to exist mostly online or at cons (which are so different from real life that they can feel like just an online meeting IRL). Fun fact: after attending a pro-Wincest meet-up at a Supernatural con, a fellow Wincest fan later said she hated Wincest and thought it was disgusting right in front of me. Other con-goers agreed, then some later came up to me individually when I was alone (at different times independent of each other) to apologize and state they actually liked Wincest but didn’t want to publically associate with it.

My lesson was simple: the fandom closet is a terrible place to be. Even fans who KNOW you agree with them might not be willing to out themselves as fans of something if they believe there will be negative repercussions. So here’s what I have to say to you. That thing you like? You know, the one you’re kind of awkward about liking? The thing you’d kind of rather not like but you really actually do like it, maybe quite a lot? The thing you won’t say you like, or you’ll only admit to liking if somebody else says they like it first, and maybe not even then? OTHER PEOPLE LIKE IT. Seriously. Stop stressing about it. Get over yourself. You are not the first person in the universe to have the thoughts you’re having. You’re not even the second or third. So you like het/slash/femslash/mpreg/furry/incest/crossgen/necro/pedo/genderswap/RPF/Non-con/bodyswap/whatever. So what. It’s fiction. We’re allowed to like whatever the fuck we want to. You think your friends won’t understand? If they’re in fandom, they will. Everybody does, whether they admit it or not. Here, I’ll start. Here’s the first time I actually LIKED something in all of those categories:

Het: Rachel/Tobias (Animorphs)  
Slash: Taichi/Yamato (Digimon)  
Femslash: Xena/Gabrielle (Xena)  
Incest: Dean/Sam (Supernatural)  
Crossgen: Roy/Ed (Fullmetal Alchemist)  
Pedo: Ritsuka/Soubi (Loveless)  
RPF: Jensen/Jared (Supernatural actors)  
Mpreg: Harry/Draco (Harry Potter) fic: “Things That Change” by eutychides, <http://eutychides.livejournal.com/292.html>  
Genderswap: Dean/Sam fic: “This One Time, In A Michelle Pfeiffer Movie…” by apocalypsos, <http://apocalypsos.livejournal.com/990780.html>

I don’t remember my first experiences with the following categories, so here’s recent ones I’ve stumbled across in my multi-fandom travels:  
Furry: Morgan/Reid (a.k.a. Clooney/Reid) (Criminal Minds) fic: “Down, Boy” by Elliptic_Eye, <http://archiveofourown.org/works/25223> (The warning on this fic was for awkward sexual situations and BOY WAS THAT ACCURATE. I actually think the first furry fic I ever read was Sirius/Remus, or rather Padfoot/Remus, but for the life of me I don’t remember what it was. I am very aware that furry fans don't all subscribe to beastiality or zoophilia, but hey, might as well really go for the crazy examples when I can.)  
Necro: Light/L (Death Note) fic: “Violation” by TerraZeal, <http://archiveofourown.org/works/502264> (I’ve never been that into necro, but this fic is so fucked up that it really worked. I’m pretty sure the first necro fic I ever read was Dexter-related, but the first fic that FELT like necro (an unconscious body) was a Holmes/Watson I can't locate.)  
Bodyswap: Steve/Tony (Avengers) fic: “Bodyswap!” by Zekkass, <http://archiveofourown.org/works/374243> (I have this awkward feeling I read a bodyswap really early in my fandom career and now I’ve got no idea what it was. Probably anime. Cardcaptor Sakura? Perhaps.)  
Non-con: Marcus/Esca (The Eagle) fic: “Anywhere on This Road” by Sineala, <http://archiveofourown.org/works/416048> (Non-con doesn’t take place in fic, but it’s a major part of the plot. Esca is super focused on his past experiences with it and the idea it could happen again. I actually loved this fic. A lot.)

There’s a lot of different pairings and fic that I like more now, but hey, everyone starts somewhere. And yeah, I have personal squicks just like everyone (some of which were in the above list), but there are almost always exceptions. Sometimes something is done well, done RIGHT, done in a way that makes you finally understand just what exactly makes it so popular. But even if you don’t have that experience, the point is eventually you’re going to realize that you’re not the only one who’s thought of Spock fucking Kirk in the Captain’s chair, or bisexual Watson pining after asexual Sherlock, or Xena tying up and blindfolding Gabrielle, or female!Spike pegging male!Buffy, Sam Winchester as King of Hell, redeemed!Sephiroth, Mike being Harvey’s boss in Suits, or WHATEVER. Fandom is a place to express yourself. Yes, that includes your fantasies and dreams for the characters, but that also includes exploring your problems with the plot and your frustration when things don’t go how you want them to. I’ll say it again: people are all the same. Everyone in fandom has similar feelings, just on different topics. Keeping all of that to yourself is a guaranteed way to make yourself go crazy. I’m not saying you have to be upfront IRL. I’m just saying it’s all right to tell your Batman/Catwoman friend that you actually prefer Batman/Joker, and you even think it’s canon, and hey, you also actually have some scans to back yourself up on this one.

No matter what your preferences are, please for the love of GOD remember that everyone is equally entitled to their opinions. Treat everyone with respect and care. Maybe you DO prefer Batman/Joker, but your Batman/Catwoman friend is equally in love with their ship and they’ve also got scans to back up their claim. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s GREAT. That’s what we’re all HERE FOR. Part of fandom is discussion, argument, analysis, PASSION. Which leads right into my second point: ship wars.

Okay, listen closely now. This is serious. Ship wars are equally important and unnecessary. People get attached to the characters they ship. They can’t help it just as much as you can’t help what you think. If someone is convinced that Harry and Draco had a desperate love affair during the war, you’re not going to be able to convince them it was actually Draco and Hermione or Harry and Ginny. Likewise if someone ships Thor/Merlin, they clearly don’t care it’s a crossover. If a fan is 100% certain that John Sheppard is an asexual polyromantic in love with the city of Atlantis, GREAT! My response is always to question anything new or interesting. When did you start thinking this way? What made you ship this? What supports this in canon, or else do you simply not care about canon at all? And so on. If you don’t understand their answers (and sometimes I don’t), all right. Not everything is for you.

This method doesn’t always work. Certain fandoms are more highstrung than others, usually due to the nature of canon. Fandoms that have epic adventure plots tend to lean towards ship wars because of the dramatic nature of the material. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Supernatural have all had notable ship wars. Well, what else can you expect from fandoms where the fate of the world constantly depends on the main characters? That pressure has an effect on the fans. Fans become even more passionate than usual because the situation is drastic, fan emotions run high and tense along with the characters, and the need to defend the characters you love becomes even more pronounced when they’re constantly in danger. Fans looking for less stressful fandoms should try smaller scale plotlines. A lot of USA shows are known for having remarkably chill fandoms: White Collar, Psych, Suits, Common Law. Most anime and video game fandoms have more peaceful environments. It’s also worth noting that all fandoms eventually calm down after canon ends and fans move on to other fandoms.

If you take all of this together, you have a pretty clear picture: there are types of fans who prefer drama and types who don’t. Ship wars happen and are unavoidable when two drama-friendly fans have conflicting opinions. If both fans agree to disagree and discuss other aspects of their fandom, we’d avoid ship wars entirely. But that’s never going to happen. Even if everyone in fandom today agreed to never write a negative post again in their life, new fans come in every day. These fans might not realize what a powder keg certain topics are, then sometimes feel the need to strike out when their opinions are tossed aside. It’s perfectly understandable, but it also means that each of us needs to decide how to respond to ship wars and remarks that go against our ships. I tend to state my opinion briefly then move on. For instance: Fan: “I can’t stand Superhusbands! Ugh, it’s so obviously Science Bros!” Me: “Actually, I love Superhusbands, but to each their own. So what do you think they’re gonna do for Avengers 2?” Is it cheesy and obvious? Yeah, it’s cheesy and obvious. But I honestly can’t tell you the amount of arguments I’ve cut off that way. Sometimes fans won’t take a hint, and sometimes discussions turn into fights, but overall people are all the same. Fans love talking about their fandom and will usually try and encourage the conversation.

And so we get to my third point: fandom bleeds into RL. There’s been several very major instances of this recently. Entertainment Weekly not including Sterek in their “Couple You’re Shipping Like Crazy” summer poll comes to mind, as does the Daily Dot article about One Direction that garnered the wrath of fans. Even the publication of fanfiction has been brought to light thanks to Fifty Shades of Gray. Most of the recent summer blockbusters are fandom-based: Avengers, The Dark Knight, Star Trek, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games. Geek references are becoming the norm, mirroring how geek characters are no longer considered losers or comic relief. Fans have had decidedly mixed reactions to all of this, but I would say most fans fall into one of three categories: happiness at being included, anxiety over incorrect or offensive portrayals, or wanting to remain hidden from the general public. To the third group, I’m sorry to say that time has come and gone. There’s no going back to how it was before. People know about fanfiction. They know about shipping. And they’re never going to unknow.

As for the first two groups, the basis for both is basically the same idea. Inclusion in media portrayals is a major issue for all minority groups (of which I’m including fans since more people appear to not be fans), especially groups that have a history of being portrayed terribly. So it’s easy to understand why some fans are happy to be included at all, while other fans demand the representations to be better. Why publish mediocre fanfiction? Why not publish a fandom classic? Or why publish fanfiction at all, since legally we’re not supposed to make money from it? If a website disses your ship, now it’s incredibly easy to show your anger through social media. And look at how many non-fandom people show up to midnight releases. The point here being that fandom is huge, has a life of its own, and is completely uncontrollable. Fans may come and go, drop in and out of fandoms over time, but fandom itself is a living, breathing animal that will keep living and evolving. The inclusion of fandom into RL makes total sense, and that makes the fandom closet and ship wars make even less sense. In other words, why pretend you’re not in fandom when it’s so popular? Why air ship wars so everyone can see them? We’re here to enjoy ourselves, not create more problems for ourselves and our fellow fans. People have enough problems IRL without adding fandom drama.

I honestly feel like I’ve said nothing new or exciting here. People are all the same. Fans are all the same. All fans want the same things. The things all fans want are to be able to enjoy fandom openly and honestly without judgment, to love their characters and ships, and to be portrayed positively. Yes, we have different fandoms, ships, fav chars and scenes and plots. Yes, we have very different RL lives. But in the end, every fan wants the same thing: to enjoy fandom, to discuss their ships, and to share their thoughts. Remember that the next time you think you could never possibly understand why a fan is acting the way they are. It’s probably something you could really relate to, if you tried.

To be clear: I’m not suggesting you stop having your ships or change your opinions. Everyone in fandom is equally entitled to love and hate whatever they want to, we’re all allowed and encouraged to post about it wherever and whenever we want to, and if we stumble across something we don’t like, we should all remember to be respectful, polite, and hit that back button. If two fans with opposing opinions want to talk, more power to them! If both fans go into it knowing they’re not trying to change the other’s views and are instead simply exchanging knowledge and understanding of their shared fandom, then both fans will gain insight into why not everyone agrees with them. That can be incredibly valuable to everyone involved. But if you find you can’t do that without getting angry, then stop and reverse. Get yourself out of a situation before it explodes in your face. Knowing your fandom limits and controlling your reactions to hate are the only way to survive in fandom without stress. Honestly, it’s true. You can’t control what other people post (nor should you). You can only control how you respond.

I guess you could say what I’ve learned after twenty years in fandom boils down to three simple words: get over it. Focusing on aspects of fandom you hate isn’t doing anybody any favors. Sometimes people might change their opinions or ships, sometimes it might even be because of something you did or said, but fans tend to be a dedicated, obsessive bunch. If we all focus on having a “live and let live” mantra, fandom will be a much happier place.

Full disclosure part 2: I used to be a close-minded jerk. I used to assume implied het was canon and not even recognize implied slash or femslash. Actually, I used to be homophobic out of sheer ignorance. Then I grew up. As I was introduced to more fandoms and different types of fans (and characters), I learned we really were all the same. I could relate to all of their problems. That Snape/Harry fan who got shot down for having a weird ship? That Sherlock fan who read every book but didn’t see the movies or shows? That Panic at the Disco fan who made manips? They were all me. They all shared some vital part of the experience of being a fan with me, and that was something that was so relevant to my life that I could never not own up to it. That didn’t stop me from arguing with fans for attacking my ship or show, which I still do to this day. It also doesn’t stop me from calling people out on their bullshit, both online and IRL. I can empathize with them, but I won’t make excuses for them.

So, yeah, I guess now I’m just an open-minded jerk. What can I say? I’m a work-in-progress. Check back with me in another 20 years. Maybe by then I’ll have figured something else out.

**Author's Note:**

> TL;DR:  
> 1\. Be honest about being in fandom, why you’re in fandom, and what you like, no matter how weird or kinky you think it might be.  
> 2\. Respect all fans, especially if they disagree with you. They love what they love just as much as you love what you love, even if it squicks you out.  
> 3\. Ship wars happen because fans are passionate about what they love. They are understandable but unnecessary. If you want to avoid ship wars, don’t talk to passionate fans who disagree with your ship.  
> 4\. Fandom and geek culture is familiar to non-fans. Don’t get upset about it because there’s no going back. Instead, look forward to the idea that fans are no longer considered losers.  
> 5\. Twenty years in fandom isn’t enough time to even scratch the surface of what’s available.
> 
> This wasn’t the essay that I wanted to write, but it was the essay that I needed to write. To actually detail 20 years of fandom experience would take far more time than I’m willing to give. Hey, I’ve got fic to read, after all.


End file.
